[ All the jumps in that direction but one are easy (too easy) without a line, and that's time he probably should be using to get his thoughts together. Instead he swoops in at nine and half with an elaborate little dismount. Look at him, all relaxed and calm and fine. ]
[ McGinnis isn't a familiar name, but he files it away for investigation later. It's one more way he's letting Damian down, not staying on top of these things.
If only he knew how to be better. ]
I've been worse. [ It's not a lie, and yet somehow Dick still can't quite look at him while he says the words. ]
...You? [ He has to ask, even though he thinks he knows already just how likely he is to get a real answer. ]
[If he'd known it wasn't familiar, he would have explained. He just figured McGinnis went blabbing his ID to every Bat in Haven.]
I am fine. [Sort of. He's returned to his regular state of loathing Haven at least. No more training himself raw for hours until Barnes came and carried him exhausted and bleeding to the clinic.]
...do you...want to talk about it? [Who better to understand after all?]
[ The words dry his throat out; that painful, hollowed out feeling starts to swallow him again and he has to remind himself to breathe before it does.
But that's not the reason he'd called Damian here. It's Damian he's worried about now. ]
I didn't know what to say to him. [ A tiny, rough breath out. ]
Which is crazy, when... I mean, I always know.
[ And there's that heavy, weighted feeling of guilt again. When he already cares about Damian, when Damian's already his friend, however strange and still-new that friendship might be on his side. Dick cares for him and it's been clicking all week in tiny, awful bursts of realization what he's done just be being here. ]
...I really miss him. [ Softly, like a confession. ]
But I guess- I mean, you must... [ His guilty glance falls on Damian again before he drops it back to the ground. ]
[Damian is glad for his mask because it hides the discomfort that passes over his features. He was not prepared to talk about his own feelings on the matter though he should have foreseen them coming up.
He chooses not to comment on Grayson's assumption, focusing instead on the other words.]
Your relationship with him here, the way he is, will be different. You can't be expected to know how to react. [A pause and a frown because his words aren't coming out the way he wants them too. This isn't a lesson, he is trying (and failing) to offer him the comfort of someone who understands.
But it's that same understand that puts him on edge. Honesty with how he feels about missing Grayson is out of the question. He isn't sure he could articulate it if he wanted to. And even if he did want to, it would just be another burden added to Grayson's too small shoulders.]
Grayson...[He moves and places a hand on the boy's arm, reassuring he hopes. The older Grayson was so tactile and this one has proven to be just as drawn to touch even if he's not quite as open about it.]
He is still...the person you admire. The qualities that you're drawn to are still there. [This part, more than anything is from his own experience.] But that doesn't mean you're expected to see him the same way.
-does he mean that? That he doesn't hold it against him? ] Thanks...
[ And he reaches out to put his hand on his shoulder; gentle, an acknowledgment. ]
...Don't laugh, but I sorta feel like I did this somehow. I mean, they- [ He'd wanted to play it as a joke but his voice falters again and suddenly it isn't one anymore. ]
All I wanted was for him to be here. Cause he'd... he'd know what to do. About everything. [ Even about Damian. Bruce would know how to make it alright for him too, Dick's sure. ]
...And you know they knew. They did this so he wouldn't know how to fight back.
[The quiet acknowledgment makes Damian turn his face away, but he does not remove the hand from his shoulder.
He also does not laugh.
Dick is hardly the only member of this family who had wondered if others had been sent to Haven in the way that they had for the express purpose of hurting him, or because of a wish they had made.]
If just wishing for people was enough to bring them here, even is such a vulnerable state, Haven would be much more crowded. You are not responsible for his presence.
[As for his state, well, Damian can't disagree. Bringing him here like this had to be on purpose. Even Superman was here at a different point that made him more vulnerable.]
Yao Corp may have done this for reasons that suit them, but that doesn't mean you can't take advantage.
[He shifts, feeling out of his element in trying to explain where he's coming from. It's not generally Damian trying to explain this sort of thing to Grayson.]
Well. You...Grayson, you make friends with everyone. [Literally everyone. It was his super power and all of their world knew it.]
If Yao Corp intended this to throw us off, don't let it. Use this as an opportunity that you would never have back home. Learn to know him in a different way. [It's not the same and it's not supposed to be the same. It certainly doesn't mean he won't miss his mentor (his father, really) but it can soften the blow.]
He can't be your...he can't be B here. So be his friend instead. [He knows it's not the sort of conversation that would have satisfied him were things reversed, but Damian has never claimed Dick's affable nature. He's never quite understood it.
He imagines though, that this is something Grayson might say to him if things were different.]
Yeah. That's true. [ He's tried. He's tried and he'll keep trying. But it's a terrifying, gaping chasm of uncertainty, with the possibility lurking there at the bottom that Bruce won't want to know him at all. Won't like the person Dick is before there's any real room for Dick in his life.
It's that thought that brings the ghost of a smile back to his face. He gives Damian's shoulder an encouraging pat and then lets go. ] Sorta like we're doing, huh?
[ You're doing alright he wants to say. ]
Maybe I'm not-
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to ask but... [ He has to know. For Damian's sake he has to. ] -how well did you get to know him?
[He grunts in response to the first question. Grayson don't make him say it out loud.]
I never said you couldn't ask. Only that there are some things I will not answer. [For his own sake, more than for Grayson's. Except where it concerned Todd. That was all for Grayson's sake.]
I...[He sighs. He hadn't wanted to tackle this yet, but he's realizing the longer he waits, the more likely he'll find out in some worse way.]
Not well. I had only been in the manor for a short time before. [Before.] There was a fight between Batman and Darkseid.
I wasn't lying when I told you we became Batman and Robin because he was away. [Beat.] But. I wasn't entirely truthful either.
Batman was believed dead. I hadn't had much time to know him, and then he was gone. It turned out he wasn't dead and he came back, but it hasn't been long since then. Only a couple of months. Then I woke up here.
...I barely know him Grayson. [Which shouldn't matter, if Batman were just a vigilante and Damian had found another Batman anyway. But Batman isn't just a vigilante to Damian, and even if Grayson doesn't know that, there's an underlying regret to the statement.]
[ Darkseid. A fight. Believed to be. The words have his head spinning. It's more detail, more of anything about then that he's had from Damian in months.
And as more of the pieces fall together it's occurring to him for the first time that maybe that's for Damian's sake too. ]
...You could get there too, you know. Being his friend, I mean.
[ Casual, careful. ]
He's- I mean I know he's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but he's the best when you get to know him.
[ Does that include him or not, Dick can't help but wonder.
But there's something else there in his denial. Something there just beyond what he can reach just by watching. If he regrets not knowing Bruce, why can't he get started now? ]
He has Tim to look after him. And he's still all alone right now. I mean, when I got here, I-
[ He'd been alone in everything. Alone in exploring this place, alone in facing the tunnels for the first time, alone in setting up the cave so it was livable, just barely livable. Alone every night with only his own terrifying, desperately lonely thoughts for company.
And it's all his fault. His fault for panicking, his fault for taking it out on Damian, his fault for not switching clothes before he'd visited the housing block for the first time. But even as things get easier with Damian and Tim, he'll never know what they really see when they look at him.
But those are all things he can't explain. Damian will feel bad if he tries, and Dick wants anything but that.
Cautiously: ]
Was it, uh- was it worse than that?
Than just not knowing him? [ Is there some lurking rift he doesn't know about? ]
[Softly.] I know. [How he'd isolated himself from everyone, how angry and afraid he'd been of what they were.] I don't believe he'll do the same. He doesn't understand...any of this. He's a civilian and he doesn't have the means to do what you did. [He's just a child. Not a Robin.
Was it worse? He steels himself, affecting a neutral expression.]
It wasn't worse. It was exactly as I told you. I barely know the man. [They hadn't had the time, and what time they'd had hadn't gone over well.]
[ Oh. His face softens, tension easing with understanding. ]
You'll get your chance. He's coming back, isn't he? [ Not dead, Damian said. Dick clings to that, has clung to that promise of the future, that he gets to keep Bruce and Alfred no matter what.
But it's dawning on him that Damian can't be any more sure of that than he can. Maybe even less so, with no voice from his own future here to reassure him.
And maybe it explains a little about why he doesn't want to be the one to reach out now. When it's so much harder, when there's so much more at stake.
But Dick is sure. Batman and Robin are Batman and Robin. If there can be two Robins in Haven (plus one more that he's putting out of his mind) then there can be two Batmen in Gotham.
He reaches out to put on his hand on shoulder again, and this time it's pure instinct. ]
He is already back where I am from. [He considers Grayson's words, unsure of where they're coming from. Batman-Father-has already accepted he and Grayson as Batman and Robin. He isn't afraid of that. (He is maybe afraid that Grayson will eventually return to Nightwing and he doesn't know if Father will accept him as Robin then, but that is not relevant here and now.)
But with so many pieces, he can't expect Grayson to come to the correct conclusion.]
[ Whatever he sees in Damian's face, his expression falls a little while he drops his hand again. It'll strangle him if he thinks about it, the thousands of mysteries about that future he can't solve, the thousands of ways he's failing the people he's coming to care for just by-
This. By not being the one they want. One they'll ever want.
It hurts. It's hurt him for weeks now, it hurts Damian, and it will hurt Bruce too if Dick lets it. If he slips up for even a moment. ]
The thing is, he can't take care of us now. [ His mouth is a tight, closed line, but his voice stays soft and even. An apology. ]
I don't need anyone to take care of me. [It's resigned rather than snapped. Damian has never needed someone to take care of him. Even if sometimes, it had been...acceptable when Grayson did anyway. But it was never a necessity.]
Grayson, I am content. [It's a half lie and he does his best to sell it.]
I have both allies and friends here. I don't need him. [His Batman was here, albeit in a different way. His father was...extraneous.]
Maybe not... [ The ache in his chest isn't jealousy, isn't anger. But it settles there and after a moment Dick gives up on pretending to have a destination in mind and settles on a low piece of crumbled wall instead. He's tired.
He's tired of proving himself again and again, tired of being alone. Damian may be surrounded by people, but he's still had to be Robin without Batman. It's a problem he doesn't know how to solve anymore than Bruce can solve it now. ]
But everybody needs someone. [ The words are barely meant for Damian. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
video;
We can meet near the well and go somewhere from there. Ten minutes?
video; --> action
[ All the jumps in that direction but one are easy (too easy) without a line, and that's time he probably should be using to get his thoughts together. Instead he swoops in at nine and half with an elaborate little dismount. Look at him, all relaxed and calm and fine. ]
So where the heck have you been?
action
Training mostly. The tunnels, around. With McGinnis sometimes. [He'd needed the time away, to think and to blow of steam.]
How are you? [Bluntly. As he asks he nods his head away, indicating the path they should walk further away from the rest of the populace.]
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If only he knew how to be better. ]
I've been worse. [ It's not a lie, and yet somehow Dick still can't quite look at him while he says the words. ]
...You? [ He has to ask, even though he thinks he knows already just how likely he is to get a real answer. ]
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I am fine. [Sort of. He's returned to his regular state of loathing Haven at least. No more training himself raw for hours until Barnes came and carried him exhausted and bleeding to the clinic.]
...do you...want to talk about it? [Who better to understand after all?]
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The silence stretches a few seconds more before his shoulders lift and then slump again. ]
I get it now, I guess. When I really didn't before.
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I didn't want you to. [To get it. It's not exactly the same for them, but he knows it's close enough.]
I know what he means to you. [The 'I'm sorry' remains unspoken.]
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But that's not the reason he'd called Damian here. It's Damian he's worried about now. ]
I didn't know what to say to him. [ A tiny, rough breath out. ]
Which is crazy, when... I mean, I always know.
[ And there's that heavy, weighted feeling of guilt again. When he already cares about Damian, when Damian's already his friend, however strange and still-new that friendship might be on his side. Dick cares for him and it's been clicking all week in tiny, awful bursts of realization what he's done just be being here. ]
...I really miss him. [ Softly, like a confession. ]
But I guess- I mean, you must... [ His guilty glance falls on Damian again before he drops it back to the ground. ]
You know what I mean.
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He chooses not to comment on Grayson's assumption, focusing instead on the other words.]
Your relationship with him here, the way he is, will be different. You can't be expected to know how to react. [A pause and a frown because his words aren't coming out the way he wants them too. This isn't a lesson, he is trying (and failing) to offer him the comfort of someone who understands.
But it's that same understand that puts him on edge. Honesty with how he feels about missing Grayson is out of the question. He isn't sure he could articulate it if he wanted to. And even if he did want to, it would just be another burden added to Grayson's too small shoulders.]
Grayson...[He moves and places a hand on the boy's arm, reassuring he hopes. The older Grayson was so tactile and this one has proven to be just as drawn to touch even if he's not quite as open about it.]
He is still...the person you admire. The qualities that you're drawn to are still there. [This part, more than anything is from his own experience.] But that doesn't mean you're expected to see him the same way.
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-does he mean that? That he doesn't hold it against him? ] Thanks...
[ And he reaches out to put his hand on his shoulder; gentle, an acknowledgment. ]
...Don't laugh, but I sorta feel like I did this somehow. I mean, they- [ He'd wanted to play it as a joke but his voice falters again and suddenly it isn't one anymore. ]
All I wanted was for him to be here. Cause he'd... he'd know what to do. About everything. [ Even about Damian. Bruce would know how to make it alright for him too, Dick's sure. ]
...And you know they knew. They did this so he wouldn't know how to fight back.
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He also does not laugh.
Dick is hardly the only member of this family who had wondered if others had been sent to Haven in the way that they had for the express purpose of hurting him, or because of a wish they had made.]
If just wishing for people was enough to bring them here, even is such a vulnerable state, Haven would be much more crowded. You are not responsible for his presence.
[As for his state, well, Damian can't disagree. Bringing him here like this had to be on purpose. Even Superman was here at a different point that made him more vulnerable.]
Yao Corp may have done this for reasons that suit them, but that doesn't mean you can't take advantage.
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What are you thinking?
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Well. You...Grayson, you make friends with everyone. [Literally everyone. It was his super power and all of their world knew it.]
If Yao Corp intended this to throw us off, don't let it. Use this as an opportunity that you would never have back home. Learn to know him in a different way. [It's not the same and it's not supposed to be the same. It certainly doesn't mean he won't miss his mentor (his father, really) but it can soften the blow.]
He can't be your...he can't be B here. So be his friend instead. [He knows it's not the sort of conversation that would have satisfied him were things reversed, but Damian has never claimed Dick's affable nature. He's never quite understood it.
He imagines though, that this is something Grayson might say to him if things were different.]
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It's that thought that brings the ghost of a smile back to his face. He gives Damian's shoulder an encouraging pat and then lets go. ] Sorta like we're doing, huh?
[ You're doing alright he wants to say. ]
Maybe I'm not-
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to ask but... [ He has to know. For Damian's sake he has to. ] -how well did you get to know him?
Before I was Batman, I mean.
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I never said you couldn't ask. Only that there are some things I will not answer. [For his own sake, more than for Grayson's. Except where it concerned Todd. That was all for Grayson's sake.]
I...[He sighs. He hadn't wanted to tackle this yet, but he's realizing the longer he waits, the more likely he'll find out in some worse way.]
Not well. I had only been in the manor for a short time before. [Before.] There was a fight between Batman and Darkseid.
I wasn't lying when I told you we became Batman and Robin because he was away. [Beat.] But. I wasn't entirely truthful either.
Batman was believed dead. I hadn't had much time to know him, and then he was gone. It turned out he wasn't dead and he came back, but it hasn't been long since then. Only a couple of months. Then I woke up here.
...I barely know him Grayson. [Which shouldn't matter, if Batman were just a vigilante and Damian had found another Batman anyway. But Batman isn't just a vigilante to Damian, and even if Grayson doesn't know that, there's an underlying regret to the statement.]
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And as more of the pieces fall together it's occurring to him for the first time that maybe that's for Damian's sake too. ]
...You could get there too, you know. Being his friend, I mean.
[ Casual, careful. ]
He's- I mean I know he's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but he's the best when you get to know him.
action
No. [He doesn't want it. Not with Bruce. With Grayson, yes, but not with Bruce.]
I will offer him my protection should he need it. [That's all.] I already have all the friends I need.
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But there's something else there in his denial. Something there just beyond what he can reach just by watching. If he regrets not knowing Bruce, why can't he get started now? ]
He has Tim to look after him. And he's still all alone right now. I mean, when I got here, I-
[ He'd been alone in everything. Alone in exploring this place, alone in facing the tunnels for the first time, alone in setting up the cave so it was livable, just barely livable. Alone every night with only his own terrifying, desperately lonely thoughts for company.
And it's all his fault. His fault for panicking, his fault for taking it out on Damian, his fault for not switching clothes before he'd visited the housing block for the first time. But even as things get easier with Damian and Tim, he'll never know what they really see when they look at him.
But those are all things he can't explain. Damian will feel bad if he tries, and Dick wants anything but that.
Cautiously: ]
Was it, uh- was it worse than that?
Than just not knowing him? [ Is there some lurking rift he doesn't know about? ]
action
[Softly.] I know. [How he'd isolated himself from everyone, how angry and afraid he'd been of what they were.] I don't believe he'll do the same. He doesn't understand...any of this. He's a civilian and he doesn't have the means to do what you did. [He's just a child. Not a Robin.
Was it worse? He steels himself, affecting a neutral expression.]
It wasn't worse. It was exactly as I told you. I barely know the man. [They hadn't had the time, and what time they'd had hadn't gone over well.]
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You'll get your chance. He's coming back, isn't he? [ Not dead, Damian said. Dick clings to that, has clung to that promise of the future, that he gets to keep Bruce and Alfred no matter what.
But it's dawning on him that Damian can't be any more sure of that than he can. Maybe even less so, with no voice from his own future here to reassure him.
And maybe it explains a little about why he doesn't want to be the one to reach out now. When it's so much harder, when there's so much more at stake.
But Dick is sure. Batman and Robin are Batman and Robin. If there can be two Robins in Haven (plus one more that he's putting out of his mind) then there can be two Batmen in Gotham.
He reaches out to put on his hand on shoulder again, and this time it's pure instinct. ]
We're not gonna cut you out, pal.
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But with so many pieces, he can't expect Grayson to come to the correct conclusion.]
I know. [That's not it. He can't say what it is.]
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This. By not being the one they want. One they'll ever want.
It hurts. It's hurt him for weeks now, it hurts Damian, and it will hurt Bruce too if Dick lets it. If he slips up for even a moment. ]
The thing is, he can't take care of us now. [ His mouth is a tight, closed line, but his voice stays soft and even. An apology. ]
So it's just you and me for a while longer.
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Grayson, I am content. [It's a half lie and he does his best to sell it.]
I have both allies and friends here. I don't need him. [His Batman was here, albeit in a different way. His father was...extraneous.]
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He's tired of proving himself again and again, tired of being alone. Damian may be surrounded by people, but he's still had to be Robin without Batman. It's a problem he doesn't know how to solve anymore than Bruce can solve it now. ]
But everybody needs someone. [ The words are barely meant for Damian. ]
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I don't. [Need someone.] Having someone is a luxury. A luxury I...appreciate, but I don't need it. [He doesn't think he's lying.]
But I am here for you, Grayson. In whatever way you need it. [Friend, brother, Robin.]
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