[He grunts in response to the first question. Grayson don't make him say it out loud.]
I never said you couldn't ask. Only that there are some things I will not answer. [For his own sake, more than for Grayson's. Except where it concerned Todd. That was all for Grayson's sake.]
I...[He sighs. He hadn't wanted to tackle this yet, but he's realizing the longer he waits, the more likely he'll find out in some worse way.]
Not well. I had only been in the manor for a short time before. [Before.] There was a fight between Batman and Darkseid.
I wasn't lying when I told you we became Batman and Robin because he was away. [Beat.] But. I wasn't entirely truthful either.
Batman was believed dead. I hadn't had much time to know him, and then he was gone. It turned out he wasn't dead and he came back, but it hasn't been long since then. Only a couple of months. Then I woke up here.
...I barely know him Grayson. [Which shouldn't matter, if Batman were just a vigilante and Damian had found another Batman anyway. But Batman isn't just a vigilante to Damian, and even if Grayson doesn't know that, there's an underlying regret to the statement.]
[ Darkseid. A fight. Believed to be. The words have his head spinning. It's more detail, more of anything about then that he's had from Damian in months.
And as more of the pieces fall together it's occurring to him for the first time that maybe that's for Damian's sake too. ]
...You could get there too, you know. Being his friend, I mean.
[ Casual, careful. ]
He's- I mean I know he's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but he's the best when you get to know him.
[ Does that include him or not, Dick can't help but wonder.
But there's something else there in his denial. Something there just beyond what he can reach just by watching. If he regrets not knowing Bruce, why can't he get started now? ]
He has Tim to look after him. And he's still all alone right now. I mean, when I got here, I-
[ He'd been alone in everything. Alone in exploring this place, alone in facing the tunnels for the first time, alone in setting up the cave so it was livable, just barely livable. Alone every night with only his own terrifying, desperately lonely thoughts for company.
And it's all his fault. His fault for panicking, his fault for taking it out on Damian, his fault for not switching clothes before he'd visited the housing block for the first time. But even as things get easier with Damian and Tim, he'll never know what they really see when they look at him.
But those are all things he can't explain. Damian will feel bad if he tries, and Dick wants anything but that.
Cautiously: ]
Was it, uh- was it worse than that?
Than just not knowing him? [ Is there some lurking rift he doesn't know about? ]
[Softly.] I know. [How he'd isolated himself from everyone, how angry and afraid he'd been of what they were.] I don't believe he'll do the same. He doesn't understand...any of this. He's a civilian and he doesn't have the means to do what you did. [He's just a child. Not a Robin.
Was it worse? He steels himself, affecting a neutral expression.]
It wasn't worse. It was exactly as I told you. I barely know the man. [They hadn't had the time, and what time they'd had hadn't gone over well.]
[ Oh. His face softens, tension easing with understanding. ]
You'll get your chance. He's coming back, isn't he? [ Not dead, Damian said. Dick clings to that, has clung to that promise of the future, that he gets to keep Bruce and Alfred no matter what.
But it's dawning on him that Damian can't be any more sure of that than he can. Maybe even less so, with no voice from his own future here to reassure him.
And maybe it explains a little about why he doesn't want to be the one to reach out now. When it's so much harder, when there's so much more at stake.
But Dick is sure. Batman and Robin are Batman and Robin. If there can be two Robins in Haven (plus one more that he's putting out of his mind) then there can be two Batmen in Gotham.
He reaches out to put on his hand on shoulder again, and this time it's pure instinct. ]
He is already back where I am from. [He considers Grayson's words, unsure of where they're coming from. Batman-Father-has already accepted he and Grayson as Batman and Robin. He isn't afraid of that. (He is maybe afraid that Grayson will eventually return to Nightwing and he doesn't know if Father will accept him as Robin then, but that is not relevant here and now.)
But with so many pieces, he can't expect Grayson to come to the correct conclusion.]
[ Whatever he sees in Damian's face, his expression falls a little while he drops his hand again. It'll strangle him if he thinks about it, the thousands of mysteries about that future he can't solve, the thousands of ways he's failing the people he's coming to care for just by-
This. By not being the one they want. One they'll ever want.
It hurts. It's hurt him for weeks now, it hurts Damian, and it will hurt Bruce too if Dick lets it. If he slips up for even a moment. ]
The thing is, he can't take care of us now. [ His mouth is a tight, closed line, but his voice stays soft and even. An apology. ]
I don't need anyone to take care of me. [It's resigned rather than snapped. Damian has never needed someone to take care of him. Even if sometimes, it had been...acceptable when Grayson did anyway. But it was never a necessity.]
Grayson, I am content. [It's a half lie and he does his best to sell it.]
I have both allies and friends here. I don't need him. [His Batman was here, albeit in a different way. His father was...extraneous.]
Maybe not... [ The ache in his chest isn't jealousy, isn't anger. But it settles there and after a moment Dick gives up on pretending to have a destination in mind and settles on a low piece of crumbled wall instead. He's tired.
He's tired of proving himself again and again, tired of being alone. Damian may be surrounded by people, but he's still had to be Robin without Batman. It's a problem he doesn't know how to solve anymore than Bruce can solve it now. ]
But everybody needs someone. [ The words are barely meant for Damian. ]
...Thanks. [ The tug of emotion in his chest catches him a little by surprise. Damian - strange, rough around the edges little Damian. He's trying so hard. ]
Me too. I mean if, uh-
Don't feel like you can't come see me. If you want to, I mean. I've got a place of my own now. [ Where they could have more privacy, he doesn't say. ]
Back in the ruins. It's like having the cave again. [ His thumb jerks vaguely backwards, but hi smile steals away the lingering self-consciousness. He'd need to show him eventually. ]
Just without Alfie or central heating. But you can see it if you want.
Me? [ Unacceptable. His expression shifts for a moment, caught between touched and bewildered. The offer means something, even if he can't think of accepting it. ]
...I can't move in. What about my ID? [ His hand moves back to the back of his neck. It's embarrassing, and embarrassment is why he hasn’t breathed a word of it to anyone. That the issue hasn't occurred to Damian at all is proof he'd outdone Dick yet again, and found a way out in a way that he hasn't yet. ]
Change away from the room. My...[And he hesitates, uncharacteristically self-conscious.] My only roommate knows my identity. Still, Robin never enters or exits the apartment. Only Damian.
Rue? [ There's no real judgement in his face (he'd come closer to telling Midii already than he wants to admit, if only to end the exile), but the flicker of surprise is hard to disguise. ]
...I'm guessing that didn't go over too badly. [ If Damian's stayed all this time, his secret intact. ]
...it wasn't intentional. The first day I arrived, I met her as Robin first. It wasn't until later that I realized our rooming quarters were the same. [It had been easier to explain and at the time, he hadn't really believed he would be staying.]
But she understands the importance of keeping the secret and has kept it since that day.
...Yeah. I guess it would be. [ There's a smile working at the edges of his frown. Damian means it. It shouldn't mean as much as it does. ]
But I'd get it, if... I mean if it was too weird. [ The ghost of his older self there every minute. It's occurring to Dick for the first time how terrified of that he is. How terrified Bruce would be, if he only knew.
But it's better than being alone. It's his job to care for Damian. He meets his eyes again squarely. ]
[At the last comment, Damian levels him with a look.]
We are partners, aren't we Grayson? Partners do not abandon each other, no matter the circumstances. You will come stay with us. [It's as simple as that.]
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I never said you couldn't ask. Only that there are some things I will not answer. [For his own sake, more than for Grayson's. Except where it concerned Todd. That was all for Grayson's sake.]
I...[He sighs. He hadn't wanted to tackle this yet, but he's realizing the longer he waits, the more likely he'll find out in some worse way.]
Not well. I had only been in the manor for a short time before. [Before.] There was a fight between Batman and Darkseid.
I wasn't lying when I told you we became Batman and Robin because he was away. [Beat.] But. I wasn't entirely truthful either.
Batman was believed dead. I hadn't had much time to know him, and then he was gone. It turned out he wasn't dead and he came back, but it hasn't been long since then. Only a couple of months. Then I woke up here.
...I barely know him Grayson. [Which shouldn't matter, if Batman were just a vigilante and Damian had found another Batman anyway. But Batman isn't just a vigilante to Damian, and even if Grayson doesn't know that, there's an underlying regret to the statement.]
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And as more of the pieces fall together it's occurring to him for the first time that maybe that's for Damian's sake too. ]
...You could get there too, you know. Being his friend, I mean.
[ Casual, careful. ]
He's- I mean I know he's a little rough around the edges sometimes, but he's the best when you get to know him.
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No. [He doesn't want it. Not with Bruce. With Grayson, yes, but not with Bruce.]
I will offer him my protection should he need it. [That's all.] I already have all the friends I need.
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But there's something else there in his denial. Something there just beyond what he can reach just by watching. If he regrets not knowing Bruce, why can't he get started now? ]
He has Tim to look after him. And he's still all alone right now. I mean, when I got here, I-
[ He'd been alone in everything. Alone in exploring this place, alone in facing the tunnels for the first time, alone in setting up the cave so it was livable, just barely livable. Alone every night with only his own terrifying, desperately lonely thoughts for company.
And it's all his fault. His fault for panicking, his fault for taking it out on Damian, his fault for not switching clothes before he'd visited the housing block for the first time. But even as things get easier with Damian and Tim, he'll never know what they really see when they look at him.
But those are all things he can't explain. Damian will feel bad if he tries, and Dick wants anything but that.
Cautiously: ]
Was it, uh- was it worse than that?
Than just not knowing him? [ Is there some lurking rift he doesn't know about? ]
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[Softly.] I know. [How he'd isolated himself from everyone, how angry and afraid he'd been of what they were.] I don't believe he'll do the same. He doesn't understand...any of this. He's a civilian and he doesn't have the means to do what you did. [He's just a child. Not a Robin.
Was it worse? He steels himself, affecting a neutral expression.]
It wasn't worse. It was exactly as I told you. I barely know the man. [They hadn't had the time, and what time they'd had hadn't gone over well.]
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You'll get your chance. He's coming back, isn't he? [ Not dead, Damian said. Dick clings to that, has clung to that promise of the future, that he gets to keep Bruce and Alfred no matter what.
But it's dawning on him that Damian can't be any more sure of that than he can. Maybe even less so, with no voice from his own future here to reassure him.
And maybe it explains a little about why he doesn't want to be the one to reach out now. When it's so much harder, when there's so much more at stake.
But Dick is sure. Batman and Robin are Batman and Robin. If there can be two Robins in Haven (plus one more that he's putting out of his mind) then there can be two Batmen in Gotham.
He reaches out to put on his hand on shoulder again, and this time it's pure instinct. ]
We're not gonna cut you out, pal.
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But with so many pieces, he can't expect Grayson to come to the correct conclusion.]
I know. [That's not it. He can't say what it is.]
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This. By not being the one they want. One they'll ever want.
It hurts. It's hurt him for weeks now, it hurts Damian, and it will hurt Bruce too if Dick lets it. If he slips up for even a moment. ]
The thing is, he can't take care of us now. [ His mouth is a tight, closed line, but his voice stays soft and even. An apology. ]
So it's just you and me for a while longer.
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Grayson, I am content. [It's a half lie and he does his best to sell it.]
I have both allies and friends here. I don't need him. [His Batman was here, albeit in a different way. His father was...extraneous.]
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He's tired of proving himself again and again, tired of being alone. Damian may be surrounded by people, but he's still had to be Robin without Batman. It's a problem he doesn't know how to solve anymore than Bruce can solve it now. ]
But everybody needs someone. [ The words are barely meant for Damian. ]
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I don't. [Need someone.] Having someone is a luxury. A luxury I...appreciate, but I don't need it. [He doesn't think he's lying.]
But I am here for you, Grayson. In whatever way you need it. [Friend, brother, Robin.]
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Me too. I mean if, uh-
Don't feel like you can't come see me. If you want to, I mean. I've got a place of my own now. [ Where they could have more privacy, he doesn't say. ]
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I understand. [He can't say whether he'd ever take him up on it, but the offer is meaningful regardless.
He blinks, wondering at the last part.] Where are you staying?
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Just without Alfie or central heating. But you can see it if you want.
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Unacceptable. [Then after a beat.] There is an extra bunk free in my apartment. Move in with me and Rue.
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...I can't move in. What about my ID? [ His hand moves back to the back of his neck. It's embarrassing, and embarrassment is why he hasn’t breathed a word of it to anyone. That the issue hasn't occurred to Damian at all is proof he'd outdone Dick yet again, and found a way out in a way that he hasn't yet. ]
That's why I couldn't stay where they put me.
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...I'm guessing that didn't go over too badly. [ If Damian's stayed all this time, his secret intact. ]
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But she understands the importance of keeping the secret and has kept it since that day.
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...Yeah, I did the same thing. Only I talked to, uh-
Everybody first.
There's no way I could go back. Unless I had someone to work another angle.
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Now you don't have to. It will be easier if we're operating from the same location anyway. [And just maybe, it's something that sounds...nice.]
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But I'd get it, if... I mean if it was too weird. [ The ghost of his older self there every minute. It's occurring to Dick for the first time how terrified of that he is. How terrified Bruce would be, if he only knew.
But it's better than being alone. It's his job to care for Damian. He meets his eyes again squarely. ]
If you end up wanting me to leave I will.
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We are partners, aren't we Grayson? Partners do not abandon each other, no matter the circumstances. You will come stay with us. [It's as simple as that.]
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...Okay.
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Good, that's good. We can go and get your things and move you in now. Shall we change?