Nah. O’Toole’s is the malt shop. But we get the circus too. Couple times a year now. [ Less with Haly’s coming around less often. It’s an ache that should have faded by now more than it has.
And Bucky’s been away at war. Maybe away for years. ]
I haven't been in a while. [ He admits it, a little more subdued. ]
[ Something like surprise shows around his eyes, caught by the edges of the mask. It’s gone a moment later while he turns the question over again. Wondering if it means more than Bucky (probably) meant it to. If Bucky guessed the truth, from probably a dozen things he hasn't hid well enough. What it would mean if he did.
It occurs to him then that he knows the answer already. Bucky would keep it, that part of the secret and every other part if Dick asked him to. He would guard it with his life. ]
...You could say that. [ His shoulders ease again. It’s an admission, or it isn’t. ] But it's not the only thing.
[ His head tilts again, curious. ] What do you miss?
[ Bucky rests his (flesh) arm around his shoulders. It's an accidental motion, mulling over Dick's statement. It's an admission all right, unsubtle. Dick's (only a little) better at this than Damian is, if differently fragile. He could lie or deflect - and by virtue of Dick's own trust he'd probably get away with it, since it's hardly like the kid would expect him to tell the absolute truth, and if caught probably forgive him for keeping his grief private. ]
[ But there's only memory when you're dead and gone, and while his body survives the torment of the Winter Soldier his mind doesn't. All that's left is going to be what people remember about him, this him. He kept enough secrets from Steve, even if they're all in audio files on Sam's phone as a fallback for some unknown future. But he can't put that burden on Steve's shoulders alone. He carries enough. ]
A lotta things. I used to help my sisters, doin' their hair before school. Becky - she cut hers short before I shipped out but before that she had [ gesturing ] it long enough to do braids. She always complained I never knew how to put her hairpins where she liked 'em. [ an amused noise ] I never thought you could long for somethin' like that. You can have someone [ Steve ] right in front of ya and still miss 'em. Funny old world ain't it?
[ Bruce, he thinks, with an ache he knows he hasn’t worked hard enough yet to smother. It isn’t Bruce’s fault. He knows it all too well, what Damian must see, both sides tugging at him in equal force. It’ll choke him one day, with both hands, if it lets it.
The nicer thought is Bucky. He can picture it so well, Bucky a little younger, a little softer, helping a little girl with her braids in his effortless, thoughtful way. A smile, fond for the man beside him, tugs at the side of his mouth. ]
...Yeah. I know. [ And he's leaning a little against his side before he thinks to wonder whether he’s offering comfort or seeking it. [
My mom would pin it up when we were working. But as soon as we were finished she’d take it down. Then it was my job to hold the pins.
I’d probably give anything to do it for her again. [ For all that he'd rolled his eyes at every request. ]
[ The loss colours Dick's tone but doesn't swallow him, and Bucky gives him a smile, and a small nod that ends up approving even when he doesn't intend it to be. ]
We can keep our fingers crossed. Strange things happen here, maybe if we're lucky we'll get a reprieve now and then for somethin' that ordinary.
[ He’d expected the twinge, and he doesn’t quite disguise it in time. It's his fault for bringing it up.
His cheek twitches once, and he rubs it with his hand, smudging dirt. ] Nah. There’s no way... [ Not for her. Not for his father. ]
But who knows what else is in the cards, right? [ That reprieve of Bucky's. If there’s one thing he’s learned it’s that they can always make the world a better place. ]
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Jimi Hendrix. And the Clash are pretty good. But that's mostly the earlier stuff.
Oh, and you've gotta listen to the Rolling Stones. You can't really know the Beatles until you've heard the Stones. They're sorta arch-enemies.
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Boy, have I got my hands full.
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Must sound pretty crazy, huh?
Hearing about it all before you get there.
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[ He very nearly unconsciously mirrors Dick's body language, switches at the last minute to neutral. ]
Hear the food's better too.
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Well, it depends on where the food is. Gotham's usually pretty good. Nobody does ice cream like O'Toole's.
If you ever do get to visit [ Somehow across the inter-dimensional barrier ] that's gotta be number one.
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Yeah? Ice cream and the circus? Fella might get ideas as to your intentions, kid.
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Nah. O’Toole’s is the malt shop. But we get the circus too. Couple times a year now. [ Less with Haly’s coming around less often. It’s an ache that should have faded by now more than it has.
And Bucky’s been away at war. Maybe away for years. ]
I haven't been in a while. [ He admits it, a little more subdued. ]
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[ Soft, ] You miss it, huh?
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It occurs to him then that he knows the answer already. Bucky would keep it, that part of the secret and every other part if Dick asked him to. He would guard it with his life. ]
...You could say that. [ His shoulders ease again. It’s an admission, or it isn’t. ] But it's not the only thing.
[ His head tilts again, curious. ] What do you miss?
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[ But there's only memory when you're dead and gone, and while his body survives the torment of the Winter Soldier his mind doesn't. All that's left is going to be what people remember about him, this him. He kept enough secrets from Steve, even if they're all in audio files on Sam's phone as a fallback for some unknown future. But he can't put that burden on Steve's shoulders alone. He carries enough. ]
A lotta things. I used to help my sisters, doin' their hair before school. Becky - she cut hers short before I shipped out but before that she had [ gesturing ] it long enough to do braids. She always complained I never knew how to put her hairpins where she liked 'em. [ an amused noise ] I never thought you could long for somethin' like that. You can have someone [ Steve ] right in front of ya and still miss 'em. Funny old world ain't it?
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The nicer thought is Bucky. He can picture it so well, Bucky a little younger, a little softer, helping a little girl with her braids in his effortless, thoughtful way. A smile, fond for the man beside him, tugs at the side of his mouth. ]
...Yeah. I know. [ And he's leaning a little against his side before he thinks to wonder whether he’s offering comfort or seeking it. [
My mom would pin it up when we were working. But as soon as we were finished she’d take it down. Then it was my job to hold the pins.
I’d probably give anything to do it for her again. [ For all that he'd rolled his eyes at every request. ]
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We can keep our fingers crossed. Strange things happen here, maybe if we're lucky we'll get a reprieve now and then for somethin' that ordinary.
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His cheek twitches once, and he rubs it with his hand, smudging dirt. ] Nah. There’s no way... [ Not for her. Not for his father. ]
But who knows what else is in the cards, right? [ That reprieve of Bucky's. If there’s one thing he’s learned it’s that they can always make the world a better place. ]